SERMON – Prisoners of the Past No More

SERIES – From Victim to Victor: How to Overcome Victim Mindset2 Samuel 13:1-22 NIV
1       In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David.
2       Amnon became frustrated to the point of illness on account of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.
3       Now Amnon had a friend named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man.
4       He asked Amnon, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.”
5       “Go to bed and pretend to be ill,” Jonadab said. “When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.’ ”
6       So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, “I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand.”
7       David sent word to Tamar at the palace: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him.”
8       So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it.
9       Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat. “Send everyone out of here,” Amnon said. So everyone left him.
10      Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom.
11      But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.”
12      “Don’t, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me. Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing.
13      What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.”
14      But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.
15      Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”
16      “No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.” But he refused to listen to her.
17      He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of here and bolt the door after her.”
18      So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing a richly ornamented robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore.
19      Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornamented robe she was wearing. She put her hand on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went.
20      Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.
21      When King David heard all this, he was furious.
22      Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.A victim is a person who is ADVERSELY treated through hardship, oppression, injury and neglect.

Psalm 10:8-15 NIV – 8 He lies in wait near the villages; from ambush he murders the innocent,watching in secret for his victims. 9 He lies in wait like a lion in cover; he lies in wait to catch the helpless; he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net.  10 His victims are crushed, they collapse; they fall under his strength.  11He says to himself, “God has forgotten; he covers his face and never sees.” 12 Arise, LORD! Lift up your hand, O God. Do not forget the helpless.  13 Why does the wicked man revile God? Why does he say to himself, “He won’t call me to account”?  14 But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless.  15 Break the arm of the wicked and evil man; call him to account for his wickedness that would not be found out.

A victim mindset is a mindset in which a person who was once a victim continues in old thought PATTERNS of feeling POWERLESS even when the victimization has abated or ended.

A person with a victim mentality tends to see themselves as POWERLESS and others and POWERFUL.

Symptoms of a Victim Mentality
1.      Low self-esteem
2.      Dependency
3.      Fear
4.      A focus on what is bad not what is good

I.      A Deceptive Prince (Eddie Haskell) (vs. 1-5)
A Hypocrite is a person who pretends to be what he never intends to be. BJ Miller Sr., Organizing Pastor of SSC 1926-1970)
II.     A Devastated Princess (vs. 11-14)
A sinful act (11-14
A sinful attitude (15-19)

Lust    Love
Sudden  Gradual
Contradictory   Consistent
Idealistic      Realistic
Feeling based   Commitment based
Seeks to receive happiness      Seeks to give happiness
External looks  Internal character
Seeks to get    Seeks to give
Emotion Devotion

III.    A Derelict Parent (vs. 20-22) (Yul Brenner – by the time you see this commercial I will already be dead)

God wants us to be:
•       victors not victims
•       To grow not grovel
•       Soar not sink
•       Overcome not be Overwhelmed

Prisoners of the past no more when we…
1.      Face the PRISON
a.      The rescue fantasy is the belief that the injurer can take you back to your pre-injured state.
b.      Even when the injurer pays restitution, there is no restoration without the victim’s ACTIVE PARTICIPATION.
2.      Face the PAIN
a.      Face the FACTS
b.      Face the FEELINGS
c.      Face the FURY

Pain is never RELEASED if pain is never EXPRESSED.

3.      Face the PARDON


4.      Face the PROMISE
Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV – 18 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

HATE has four letters but so does LOVE.
ENEMIES has seven letters but so does FRIENDS.
LYING has five letters but so does TRUTH.
HURT has four letters but so does HEAL.
SATAN has five letters but so does JESUS.

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