The Fence of Fidelity

1 Kings 20:39-40 GNV

39     As the king was passing by, the prophet called out to him and said, “Your Majesty, I was fighting in the battle when a soldier brought a captured enemy to me and said, “Guard this man; if he escapes, you will pay for it with your life or else pay a fine of three thousand pieces of silver.’

40     But I got busy with other things, and the man escaped.” The king answered, “You have pronounced your own sentence, and you will have to pay the penalty.”

The first sermon in this series was entitled, “What to Do before You Say I Do”:

·        Become the right bait

·        Find the right mate

·        Move at the right rate

·        Set the right date

·        Now, close the infidelity GATE.

Hebrews 13:4 MSG – Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.

Just 2% of our population gets its views about sex from the church.

Augustine called sex a VENIAL SIN.

The church sees sex as a SIN.

The world sees sex as SALVATION.

God sees sex as SACRED.

    I.        The PROCESS into an affair

Matthew 5:27-28 GNV – 27 “You have heard that it was said, “Do not commit adultery.’ 28 But now I tell you: anyone who looks at a woman and wants to possess her is guilty of committing adultery with her in his heart.

Matthew 5:27-28 MSG – 27 “You know the next commandment pretty well, too: ‘Don’t go to bed with another’s spouse.’ 28But don’t think you’ve preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those leering looks you think nobody notices – they also corrupt.


      1.            EMOTIONAL NON-physical

      2.            PHYSICAL involvement

·        Plant a THOUGHT

·        Reap a feeling

·        Plant a feeling

·        Reap an action

·        Plant an action

·        Reap a habit

·        Plant a habit

·        Reap a character

·        Plant a character

·        Reap a DESTINY

      3.            RATIONALIZATIONS

      4.            CONSEQUENCES

Proverbs 6:24-30 MSG – 24 They’ll protect you from wanton women, from the seductive talk of some temptress. 25 Don’t lustfully fantasize on her beauty, nor be taken in by her bedroom eyes. 26 You can buy an hour with a whore for a loaf of bread, but a wanton woman may well eat you alive. 27 Can you build a fire in your lap and not burn your pants? 28 Can you walk barefoot on hot coals and not get blisters? 29 It’s the same when you have sex with your neighbor’s wife: Touch her and you’ll pay for it. No excuses. 30 Hunger is no excuse for a thief to steal…

 II.        PROTECTION from an affair.

1 Corinthians 7:1-5 MSG – 1 Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? 2 Certainly – but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. 3The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality – the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. 4 Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. 5 Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting – but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it.

The Wife’s Basic Needs:

      1.            AFFECTION not ABUSE

      2.            CONVERSATION not COMPETITION



      3.            COMPLIMENTS not CONDEMNATION

·        Magnify her STRENGTHS

·        Minimize her WEAKNESSES

      4.            LOVE not LECTURES

      5.            LEADER not a LOANER

The Husband’s Basic Needs:

1.      A LOVER not a MOTHER


Ø  Men are VISUAL

Ø  A lot of women have been told a bunch of lies to protect their SELF-ESTEEM and EMOTIONAL discomfort.

Ø  Attractiveness is what you do with what you HAVE

Ephesians 5:25 GNV – Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it.

The Bible does not say husbands be ATTRACTED to your wives.

99% of the time the decline in physical attractiveness is not do to circumstances but LAZINESS and IRRESPONSIBILITY.

3.      FRIEND and not CRITIC

Proverbs 21:9 GNV – Better to live on the roof than share the house with a nagging wife.



Successful marriages RECOGNIZE the differences and ADJUST to meet them.

Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.

—    John Adams

III.        PATHWAY back to PURITY

A.    Acknowledge the SIN

B.      Refuse to RATIONALIZE sin

Psalm 51:1-4 GNV – 1 Be merciful to me, O God, because of your constant love. Because of your great mercy wipe away my sins! 2 Wash away all my evil and make me clean from my sin! 3 I recognize my faults; I am always conscious of my sins. 4 I have sinned against you – only against you – and done what you consider evil. So you are right in judging me; you are justified in condemning me.

Proverbs 6:30 MSG – Hunger is no excuse for a thief to steal;

C.    END the relationship immediately and AVOID all contact.

Proverbs 6:27-28 MSG – 27 Can you build a fire in your lap and not burn your pants? 28 Can you walk barefoot on hot coals and not get blisters?

D.    Focus on the FUTURE

John 8:7-11 GNV – 7 As they stood there asking him questions, he straightened up and said to them, “Whichever one of you has committed no sin may throw the first stone at her.” 8 Then he bent over again and wrote on the ground. 9 When they heard this, they all left, one by one, the older ones first. Jesus was left alone, with the woman still standing there. 10 He straightened up and said to her, “Where are they? Is there no one left to condemn you?” 11 “No one, sir,” she answered. “Well, then,” Jesus said, “I do not condemn you either. Go, but do not sin again.”

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